When the boyfriend was just the best friend, I went to visit him in Florida. 
He’s a great cook and had a number of wonderful foods ready for us. 
The big take-away?  I like him.  and I like his favorite sandwich: ham and hummus.

When I got home, I put my own spin on it, using horseradish and pastrami (my fav). 

Now, I’m all over it.

pita bread
horseradish hummus (if you can’t find it in your local store, just mix in 1 teaspoon of horseradish into 1 cup of plain hummus)
pastrami (or turkey pastrami)
toppings: onions, tomatoes, mesclun greens, etc

Warm and open pita, spread a generous amount of hummus, stuff full of meat and toppings.  Yum.

pinata season.  my favorite time of year… 

happy cinco de mayo

for those of you looking for a “less sticky” sexy night, cool whip light (Samantha’s preferred whipped body topping) is now available in aerosol form. 

for a more innocent treat, below is a recipe for dirt cups:

2 c. cold milk
1 pkg. instant chocolate pudding
8 oz. Cool Whip
16 oz. oreos, crushed
8 to 10 clear cups

Mix pudding into milk until well blended. Let sit for 5 minutes.
Stir in Cool Whip and 1/2 crushed cookies.
Place 1 teaspoon cookies into cup. Fill 3/4 full with pudding. Top with remaining cookies.

Refrigerate one hour. Garnish with gummy worms, frogs, candy flowers, coconut, or chopped nuts.

I’ve been a kitchen recluse this winter.  And as the weather is (hopefully) starting to warm up, this is coming at the wrong time.
But Grandma C introduced me to it and it’s become my ultimate comfort food.  And because the job has been stressful as of late, I can use all the comfort I can get.

From my experience, those who try mole for the first time generally hate it. The combination is not typically American and the resulting flavor is unfamiliar; this is not your average chili, but if you love it, you won’t be able to get enough of it.

The top flavors are chile and (unsweetened) chocolate, which wonderful spice people at McCormick have named one of the top emerging flavor combinations of 2008.

1 1/2 pounds boneless pork loin, diced
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 cups diced onion
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder
2 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 (28-ounce) cans crushed tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons granulated sugar
8 tortilla chips, crushed

Heat oil in 4-quart saucepan; sauté pork and onion, stirring, until pork is lightly browned
Stir in cumin, chili powder, cocoa and cinnamon; coat pork
Add tomatoes, salt and sugar, simmer for 10 to 15 minutes
Add crushed tortilla chips to thicken

Serve it over hot cooked rice.  And give me a call.

Mr. “too much” cookies offered to make me dinner after work one night, which is just so charming, it’s nearly impossible to resist.
He said he was cooking chicken. and to come hungry.

He did not mention that the chicken he was cooking was plain.
Unseasoned.
You heard me.
Plain chicken and milk. No sides.

I kept my manners about me, thanked him for the dinner and left.

To be a lady (and quite a lady, considering the circumstances), I offered to reciprocate dinner the following week.
His dietary restrictions? Shrimp. Spicy. But not Mexican or Chinese. Also, no vegetables.

I’d never cooked shrimp before and couldn’t find any good recipes online. So, I winged it.
Below is the recipe.  Super easy. and delicious, of course.
(though if I made it again, I would want some vegetables)

1 lb uncooked, shelled and deveined shrimp
2 cloves chopped garlic
2 tbsp hot chili oil
1 tsp habanero sauce

Heat up a stir frying pan.
Add chili oil and garlic. When garlic becomes fragrant, add shrimp and habanero sauce.
Toss over medium-high heat 5 minutes, or until shrimp is pink.

Serve on a plate with milk or water. No sides.

Say you like someone. You like someone and they have a birthday.
You like this someone enough that on their birthday you want to bake them a cake. You want this cake that you give them to be delicious enough for him to understand really how much you are in like. You are seriously in like.

This is that cake.

My sleeping behavior mirrors my attitude, often times restless and anxious. I like space.
The first night I spent with this someone, after he valiantly railed me, I tossed and turned and couldn’t get to sleep.
‘What’s up?’ he asked me, eyes still closed
‘I can’t sleeeep. I’m feeling fidgety’
Without another word, he threw his arm over me and dragged me into him. I slept like a baby.

It won me over.
What followed were two years of filthy sex and heartwarming intimacy.
I wanted to bake him a cake everyday

.
we had to try really, really hard, but we finally did it!
his ninja babies. inside me.

The cake:

1 cup boiling water
3 ounces unsweetened butter (or regular)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs, separated
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup sour cream
2 cups (less 2 tablespoons) unbleached all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Chocolate Frosting (see next recipe)

Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour a 10 inch tube pan

Pour boiling water over chocolate and butter; let stand until melted. Stir in vanilla and sugar, then whisk in egg yolks one at a time

Mix baking soda and sour cream and whisk into chocolate mixture.

Sift flour and baking powder together and add to batter, mixing thoroughly

Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry. Stir a quarter of the egg whites into the batter. Scoop remaining egg whites on top of the batter and fold into mixture.

Pour batter into pan. Set on the middle rack of the oven and bake for 40 to 50 minutes, or until the edges have pulled away from the sides of the pan and the cake tester comes out clean.

Cool in the pan for 10 minutes unmold and cool completely before frosting.

The frosting:

2 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
6 tablespoons heavy cream (whipping)
1 1/4 cups confectionery’ sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Place all ingredients into a heavy saucepan over a low heat and whisk until smooth. Cool slightly. Brush the cake lightly once it’s cooled down to remove any remaining crumbs. frost a ‘primer layer’ of frosting and let the cake cool. then FROST THE FROSTING, NOT THE CAKE.

If, after all of this, you are still feeling this special person is worth this serious cake (especially if you constructed it as I did, with only a fork and a butter knife), cover the sides with chopped walnuts, include a seedless raspberry marmalade center layer, and place fresh raspberries on top.
Serve with a premium vanilla ice cream and I think he’ll get the picture.

Happy birthday to my best friend, old man Baker.

The Friendship
Elizabeth and I share enthusiasm for many things: inappropriate public behavior, Halloween, general acts of enthusiasm, and cooking for ourselves and others. Unfortunately, there are too many cities between us to easily cook for each other. In circumventing this travesty, we often find ourselves bantering over Gmail (gchat might be the greatest thing that’s ever happened in electronic communications), often about food. Frequently about sex. Sometimes about the combination, but that’s a different recipe. Hope you find this recipe, and guest blog, delicious. ~Tara

The Invite
me: i’m hungry
but i don’t know what to eat

i’m going to check out the sitch
Libby: hummus
pita, cucumber, and carrots
me: i have carrots and hummus
but no pita or cucumber
though that sounds yummy
12 minutes
me: i am a genius
we had hard boiled eggs
so i made half an avocado stuffed with lightly curried egg salad
with celery
Libby: yum
that sounds amazing
me: it’s delicious!
Libby: would you like to guest blog it on iwiim?

The Pathos
There are several convenient factors at play here:

One: The tendency of my roommate to hard-boil the last 3-5 eggs in a dozen, and buy a fresh batch, providing the availability of hard-boiled eggs with minimal effort on my part.

Two: Our collective household tendency to panic if there is not at least one avocado in our kitchen at all times

Three: I saw a jalapeno egg salad the other day that was the loveliest shade of green, and got me thinking delicious thoughts.

And one major tendency:

One: My favorite way to cook is to find foods I love, and then stuff one inside the other. It’s borderline pathological. I love to stuff food with other food. The result is almost uniformly that the two-foods-in-one-monster is superior to either ingredient on its own. I can’t stress this enough. Stuff it, people.

The Recipe
Three hard-boiled eggs
1-2 tablespoons mayo (I prefer fat-free… it’s good, I swear)
1 tablespoon mustard (I prefer deli-style, but yellow or Dijon work too)
1 ripe Avocado, halved lengthwise
1 stalk of celery, chopped
Salt
Pepper
Yellow curry powder
Habanero hot sauce
Parsley (for fancypantses or serving guests)

Put two of the egg yolks into a bowl – toss the third (or do what you will, just keep it out of the bowl). Add the mayo and mustard and mash with a fork until you get a good paste. If you prefer it wetter or dryer, adjust the mayonnaise to taste. Salt and pepper the egg yolk paste to taste and add about a half of a teaspoon of curry powder, and a few dashes of hot sauce, also adjusting to taste. Add the chopped egg-whites and celery. If you’re feeling fancy or serving to a guest, chopped parsley really classes things up. Mix it all up and serve over a (salt and pepper) seasoned avocado half in a small bowl. Garnish with some more parsley, you fancy bastard. So simple. So delicious.

My dear cousin Kelly is a picky eater, but I love her anyways.

During our aforementioned dinner parties, she would forgo the entree and just snack on salads and booze.
I would rack my brain for something that was going to be tasty enough for everyone, but simple enough to not scare her off.

These hamburgers did the trick.
(Just don’t tell her what’s in them)

1/2 lb Ground Beef
1/2 lb Ground Pork
1/2 lb Ground Turkey
1/2 cup cream cheese
2 tbsp worchestire sauce
2 tbsp dried onions
1 tbsp red pepper flakes
Salt and pepper

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. For the best burgers, use coarsely ground meat and DON’T OVERMIX (it breaks down the proteins and toughens the meat).

I made the patties the way my dad used to, with two thinner patties encasing a slice of cheese, a slice of onion, and a slice of tomato.
Cook the burgers over medium heat to your desired done-ness (me: medium rare, kelly: well)

Yum.

We would serve them with the traditional accompaniments: on toasted buns with ketchup, mustard, mayo, lettuce, ketchup, pickles, ketchup, a cooler of ice cold Coors light.

Tapas are for virgins.  But not for long…
This recipe is pretty involved, but the delicious payoff is well worth your trouble.

3 large portabella mushrooms
Balsamic vinegar
2 large red bell peppers
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1/4 cup fresh basil
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 cups half-and-half
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese
4 tablespoons butter
salt and pepper to taste

Coat portabella mushrooms in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. Let sit one hour.

Preheat broiler. Lightly coat the red peppers with olive oil. Grill peppers under the broiler until the skin is blackened, and the flesh has softened slightly. Place peppers in a paper bag or resealable plastic bag to cool for approximately 45 minutes.

Remove the seeds and skin from the peppers (the skin should come off the peppers easily now). Cut peppers into small pieces.

In a skillet, cook and stir the garlic, basil, and red peppers in 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium heat. Cook for 10 minutes, so that the flavors mix.

Place mixture in blender (careful it is hot), and puree to desired consistency. Return puree to skillet, and reheat to a boil. Stir in the half-and-half and the Romano cheese; cook and stir until the cheese melts. Add the butter, and stir until melted. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for 5 minutes.

Pour sauce in baking dish, put mushrooms in sauce and cover with parmesan cheese. Bake 10 minutes in 350* oven or until mushrooms are tender

Top with some plain goat cheese and serve with toasted crostini

I love a good dinner party.

When I first moved to the city, my surrogate family would get together at our apartment and throw a binge on a weekly basis.

Even before we had furniture. (We didn’t have the fancy strip club chairs that adorn Kuffel’s apartmansion)

We lived in a relatively large apartment and had no items of real value, so ours was the place elected to house the feast-fest.

I make a spinach-artichoke dip that appeared at several of these dinner parties, always a hit (though it could have been the tequila talking). It uses fresh spinach and has a ton of cheese. Prepare yourself for an apporgasm.

2 packages fresh spinach, rinsed and stemmed
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 14 oz cans of quartered artichokes, drained and rinsed
Drizzle of olive oil
1 package cream cheese
1 cup grated parmesan cheese
Splash of milk
6 slices provolone cheese
1 tsp cayenne pepper
salt and pepper to taste

Saute garlic in the olive oil on low.
Add handfuls of spinach (stir quickly so they don’t wilt too much) follow with artichokes. Salt and pepper.
In a separate saucepan, combine cream cheese, parmesan, cayenne pepper and milk. Mix until creamy and combined.
Add cheese mixture to the spinach artichoke mixture.
Pour into an 8×8 baking dish. Cover the top with provolone cheese.
Bake at 400° for 15 minutes, until the top is bubbling.

Serve with (or in) crusty sourdough bread. (or if you’re a pussy, tortilla chips).
It also pairs well with tequila, wine, and vodka.